The number one issue in any family, group, or organization in which I have been a member or asked to consult, train or coach is COMMUNICATION. At the heart of every relationship with oneself and others is one’s ability to communicate well. Communication is a two-way skill. It is receiving messages (listening and perceiving) as much as sending messages (verbal and nonverbal).
At the heart of all communication are meaning-making and story. Us humans are meaning-making organisms. We just can’t help putting pieces of experience together into a story that makes sense to us. We see patterns, motives, and purpose in the perceptions of our experience. We actually force things to fit our worldview and story so we can make meaning of things.
Think of a time when you thought something was one way but then you realized you were completely wrong about the situation when all the facts rolled in. We see and understand things through filters of perception that make up our worldview and help us make sense of the world. We can’t possibly take in all the stimuli of our experience so to keep us from being overwhelmed and incapacitated by it, we unconsciously distort, delete and generalize all the information that is bombarding our senses. Two people can be witnessing the exact same thing and have two completely different interpretations of what happened.
This is where high EQ and SQ make a huge difference in how one experiences, relates to, and handles the situation. Rather than just accepting at face value the story one creates about the situation they are observing, one takes into account the emotions that arise for them in the situation before acting on them. They pause to create space between stimulus and response so they can be in a place of conscious choice rather than unconscious reaction. They recognize their habitual thoughts, interpretation, and response prior to acting on it and decide if this or something different is a more skillful response. They ask themselves their guiding question such as “what is the wise and compassionate thing to do in this situation?” They listen to the voice of their Higher Self, that more noble voice within that takes the high road.
There is so much more to say on this subject of high EQ and SQ communication. If you feel that your relationships could benefit from more skillful communications, please contact to see how increasing your EQ and SQ can enhance your life’s most important relationships.